“Rise up, O men of God!
Have done with lesser things.
Give heart and soul
and mind and strength
to serve the King of kings.”
What stirring words from a classic hymn! What would it look like for us as men to rise up, be done with lesser things, and serve the Lord with all our masculine heart, soul, mind, and strength…especially in our relationships?
Scripture clearly teaches that we are created to be the head of our families, to exercise our God-ordained authority. But, the key question is this: “How are we to manifest the authority God has given us? As His male-image bearers? As husbands? As fathers? What is that supposed to look like?”
We find part of the answer in Ephesians 5:21-33:
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
As godly men, we are to manifest that headship, that leadership in the same way that Christ manifests His headship over His body, the Church. And, how did Jesus do that? He loved the Church and gave Himself up for her. He set the perfect example of self-sacrificial, servant leadership.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church — for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery — but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
As men, husbands, and fathers, we are not to lord our authority over others. Not at all! Far be it for us to exercise oppressive authority in our marriages and families! That is not the leadership for which God created us as His male image-bearers. Instead, we are both created and called to lead in a way that is characterized by love and service. We are to lead in love in the same way that Jesus Christ did, and still does.
God’s design for our relational leadership in marriage becomes even clearer in I Peter 3:8, “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
As husbands, we are called to be considerate as we relate to our wives. We are to treat them with respect “as the weaker partner.” What in the world does that phrase mean? Scholars have debated that question for centuries. Some have said it refers to that fact that women are physically weaker than men. Others believe that it refers to the idea that women are more emotional than men. I would suggest that both these perspectives fall short of the Biblical answer.
The more Biblically profound answer is found in the Hebrew word for “female,” which literally means “bored or pierced.” It is the woman who is created to be relationally penetrated by the strong, loving leadership of man. As husbands we are to lovingly pursue our wives, and our wives are to lovingly receive us as their husbands. The meaning of the word powerfully pictures the vulnerability of the female image-bearer. The Apostle Peter exhorts us as husbands to live with our wives in an understanding way. I believe what Peter has in mind is that as men, we are called to remember our wives, that is, to be mindful of their vulnerability. (The Hebrew word for “male” means “remember.”) Then we are to live with them and love them in a way that they feel seen, secure, and loved. It is much easier for our wives to respect and honor us when we love them well. It is easier for them to submit to our leadership when we are sensitive and understanding.
So, how are you doing as a male image-bearer, a husband, and a father? It’s time to take inventory.Do you have a Biblical understanding of your high calling as a man to lead and love, to guard and protect? Are you exemplifying servant leadership in your home? Are you loving your wife as Christ loves His Church? Remember, we are called not to be abdicators and avoiders of our divine calling. Instead, we are called to be pursuers who daily think and pray through what it means to move toward our wives in relational strength and love. If you want to know the impact your love and leadership — or lack thereof — is having on your wife, ask her.
Ask her to lovingly reflect back to you what it’s like to be your wife…what it’s like to submit to your leadership…what it’s really like to be in relationship with you. Honest, loving feedback may help you better understand how to repent of your masculine sin and manifest godly, masculine love. Ask yourself, “What would it look like for me to lovingly pursue my wife’s vulnerable heart in this situation?” Then by faith, rise up and do it!
William Lewis is founder and director of Bethesda By The Sea, a pastoral care and counseling ministry for pastors, missionaries and Christian leaders. His podcast, “In My Father’s House With William” is available on Spotify. William and his wife, Lynn, have been missionaries for 35 years.
